Features
Guarding The Vulnerable: Silence & The Illusion of Consent
En Claro Journal
Silence may look like agreement from the outside. For a child experiencing abuse, however, silence can be the product of fear, confusion, dependence, manipulation or simply not having the words to explain what is happening.
To understand what lies beneath a child’s silence, En Claro Journal turns to Judy Krysik, a scholar and Professor Emerita in the School of Social Work at Arizona State University whose work focuses on child development, family development, child abuse, and the prevention of child maltreatment. She describes stigma and shame as powerful forces that can keep abuse hidden.
This journal does not publish without the utmost knowledge and certainty on the topic or subject it’s covering. Seeking published research and professional insight is needed to deliver an informed piece of writing.
“There’s a lot of stigma and shame, and people don't want to have a public light shined on them for that kind of an experience”
This takes us to another angle of how a child views themselves: what they thinks of themself and what they believe to be true. This is reflected in a longitudinal study on Abuse-specific self-schemas that was done on 160 youth with confirmed histories of childhood sexual abuse titled Abuse-specific self-schemas and self-functioning: a prospective study of sexually abused youth. (1) This research found that abuse-specific stigmatization, specifically shame and self-blame were associated with greater dissociative symptoms over time.
Krysik points out that this sense of powerlessness becomes an obstacle for a child experiencing abuse:
“For some children who are brought up with sort of a sense of low self-esteem where they don't have a good feeling about themselves or again they feel very powerless in a context of a family–that’s harder for them to speak out about all sorts of things but definitely if abuse is happening”.
A child’s self-concept influences their ability to speak on and understand what is happening, particularly as they grow older and become more aware of boundaries, relationships, and expectations. The environment at home and the relationships of a child’s can play an important role in building that sense of self and power. Whether that’s something favorable or not for the household and the faith community, it does not matter when focusing on a child’s wellbeing and trauma recovery.
Yet, one question remains: “Why didn't the child just know it was wrong?”
This takes us to the second part of Silence & The Illusion of Consent.
Feiring, C., Cleland, C. M., & Simon, V. A. (2010). Abuse-specific self-schemas and self-functioning: A prospective study of sexually abused youth. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 39(1), 35–50.
https://doi.org/10.1080/15374410903401112.
Why might a child experiencing abuse remain silent? Is it perhaps that there’s an agreement in the abuse? When a child is silent, does that mean they consented–or does their silence reveal the weight, fear, manipulation, and developmental limitations surrounding them?
Krysik explains that abusive relationships and happenings aren't always perceived by the child or young person as a negative feeling or experience. They can experience what feels to be affection, attention, and moments that feel genuine to the child. And this can be felt even alongside actions they might perceive as wrong.
“a lot of these relationships have mixed feelings with them, so there's things that are bad and people may know shouldn't be happening but then there's also things that feel good about the relationship, and that's where some of this manipulation comes in.”
It doesn't always appear as a clear abuse, recognizing abuse can be difficult for children and, in some circumstances, even for adults. When teaching on abuse and manipulation it can be difficult for this to be a hundred percent understood and comprehended.
Krysik presents examples of how grooming and manipulation can feel to children and young adults:
Feelings and the lack of certain things in a child’s life start building ties to this abuser and manipulator:
“It could be that need to be loved and wanted that can maintain that silence and maintain that length of the abusive relationship”. Silence in abuse becomes more understandable when we analyze the emotional needs and vulnerabilities that an abuser can exploit.